Where I Stop and You Begin

I've got boundaries on the brain. For many years, actually - probably since I was in grad school...so let's say for the past 11 years, I've thought on and off about boundaries. Mostly because the concept of acknowledging the space between us is hard for me to grasp. In my family we were one big blob of togetherness. There was little if any separation between parents and children. We had a shortage of space between us. We lived in our own little commune out in the country on a dirt road (on a street with other families unaware that our home housed a commune, mind you). I think my parents designed it that way. Just the four of us sharing a small space, taking on each other's pain and joy, ganging up on each other, and determining our own sense of well-being by absorbing and projecting what was happening around us...

I thought that was how it was supposed to be until one day I was sitting in one of my graduate classes learning about families and the different ways they might function and the instructor said something about a "healthy" family dynamic being one where there was a clear boundary between parents and children. Flexible? Yes. But FIRM nonetheless. Ohhhhh......

We learned about terms like triangulation and about families who were enmeshed. My instructor explained individuation and self-actualization. I sat there thinking, "Shiiiiiiiit." I was a grown woman married and with a child of my own. I lived in a house with just my husband and our child - 50 miles away from my parents. AND, I was totally and completely enmeshed in my family of origin. We had been triangulating for years. I was, much to my surprise, NOT self-actualized. Shit.

So there is where I started my quest to develop and maintain healthy boundaries between myself and other people, places, and things. I've been working on it for 11 years and I feel quite sure I will be working on it until the day I die. There are VOLUMES of books written on boundaries, researchers who study them and professors who lecture about them. There are stones that protect them and sprays that cleanse them. Boundaries are kind-of a big deal.

This week Melody Ross discussed boundaries in her Soul Comfort class. She presented two short videos on the topic. My jaw was hanging open through both videos. I wish every single person on the planet could see these videos and hear her powerful words (read: if you haven't already, please take this class already!). The topic of boundaries is popping up everywhere for me lately and I am seeing this as a sign from the Universe that I need to tune in and pay attention.

It seems to me that when we talk about boundaries, we most often think about them in terms of the lines we draw between ourselves and the things around us. Mostly people, but also places and things. What I hadn't thought much about before is that creating good boundaries between me and what is outside of me is not where my work ends.

I also need to create good boundaries just for me. Sometimes making a boundary is about protecting myself not from others, but from me. Ouch. Drawing a line in the sand might be about deciding that I am done taking crap from myself. Deciding that I will no longer tolerate hurting myself with negative self-talk - being mean to myself, saying things I would never ever dream of saying to someone else. That could be one of the most important decisions I ever make. Maybe deciding that guilt is just not allowed to cross through space and time and into my bubble anymore would be a very healthy boundary to build...

It could be that maybe, just maybe, the key to creating good boundaries in relationships lies in looking IN, not out. Perhaps I need to start with me. Where on God's green earth do I get off telling myself that I will not take on your crap, but it's okay to stew in mine? I think that is crazymaking!

If I'm on to something here, and I think I am, creating boundaries is a lot about being really honest with myself about the ways I am holding myself back. It might also be about the ways I need to start taking responsibility for ME rather than blaming other people for the circumstances in my life (like a lack of boundaries, for example...). Admittedly, I have done a lot of work in this area and for the most part I believe that people (parents, partners, teachers, coaches - people we might blame for things) do the best they can with what they are given. Whatever damage has been done to me is my damage now and I get to choose what to do with it. I gave up blaming others for the crap in my life when my dad died three and a half years ago and I realized it just wouldn't get me anywhere. Mostly because the person I liked to blame for my crap was no longer around. That was hard.

I am way oversimplifying this and I am being kind, I think, in telling this story as if I am the only person I know who faces this challenge. The truth is, we all do this. We all, at one point or another, look outside of ourselves for the source of our turmoil and we tend to want to blame that source for our current state when really we will move beyond the turmoil much more quickly, if we start by looking within. I still do it too sometimes and that is why I think this boundary stuff is a lifelong job. This line of thought always leads me to one of my husband's favorite movie scenes. It's from Bruce Almighty and God asks Bruce, "You want to see a miracle, Son?" Bruce nods and God says, "be the miracle." (quick clip from Bruce Almighty) It is a moving scene and it chokes me up every single time I see it.

In a lot of ways I think creating boundaries makes way for miracles. It opens up space for a whole new way of living life. A freer and more spacious way of moving about the planet. Knowing when to say when is important. We even teach our kids to say when. "Say when!" we say and they tell us when to stop filling their cup. If we don't stop, the cup will spill over and not in a good my cup runneth over kind of way. I think that if I can start making some clear boundaries - a line between my heart and soul and my crazy monkey mind, I might just make way for myself to be the miracle.

You be the miracle too. Leave all that crazy talk behind. Let's do this together. When we're finished we'll work on staying out of each other's bubbles. That would be the next best thing to do.

xoxo

Saying YES!

helping hands - my mom's and mine

I spent the last two days on my living room sofa coughing, blowing my nose, and watching HGTV. I had no voice. Even though I was in bronchitis hell, I am grateful for the opportunity I had to rest and take care of myself (thank you school bus and all day kindergarten!).

The neatest thing happened yesterday morning. I was feeling really sorry for myself and wanted my mommy. I texted her and asked her if she could bring me some chicken noodle soup from Costco - if she was going to be in town. Before I even set my phone down a very dear friend of mine texted me and asked me if SHE could bring me some of the chicken noodle soup she had made the night before! I couldn't believe it. We had made plans and I had to cancel them so she knew I wasn't feeling well. Isn't that the sweetest thing?

As I devoured the delicious soup my friend made and delivered later that day I remembered a time in my life where I would have said "No thank you" to my friend's kind offer. I never wanted to be a bother or make anyone go out of their way for me. I didn't mind helping people out when I could, but I preferred to take care of me all by myself. It just seemed less complicated, and again... I hated to inconvenience anyone. I even hated to ask salespeople for help. Um. Hello....?!!

After my first child was born, I slowly opened up to the idea of accepting help. First from my mom and sister, and then from my mother-in-law.  Eventually my dad and father-in-law joined the party. Once I saw how amazing it was to open myself up like that, it became easier to ask and then to receive. It never occurred to me that they might actually enjoy or want to help me. I still hated being a bother, and at the same time I so greatly appreciated the times when they were there for me and the ways they helped my family and me. I remember my sister bringing me a plate of sliced apples and dollop of peanut butter for a snack a few days after we brought little baby James home from the hospital. I was a wreck of a new mom. I can still see the plate in my mind. She made it look so pretty. I almost wept I was so grateful.

Over the years, and especially after the birth of my third child, I have continued to learn to accept offers from others to help and to ask for help when I need it. Sometimes it feels like memorizing lines for a new play in that it requires practice to say "yes" and "please" without feeling anything but grateful. I am appreciating opportunities to work that muscle - to accept kind offers and to receive the help that follows.

I am taking that online Brave Girls Club class I mentioned a couple few ago called Soul Comfort. It's so fun and still open for registration if you're interested. The journal prompt I chose last night was Today I know that it feels good when I... and I wrote "say yes to a very kind offer."

super goofy journal page from last night

Even at bedtime I was so grateful for my friend's kind offer. I felt nourished and even healed as my voice started to return. I was so happy I said YES! Opening up to that opportunity to be taken care of by my friend allowed me to show up for my kids last night in a more effective way. I felt better which made for a better night for all of us.

I understand that there are lot of people out there who don't want any help. It seems as if "sucking it up" is a bit of a badge of honor around town. There is a lot of value in learning when and how to muscle through life's challenges. That's for sure. And at the same time, there is a lot of value in learning how to say yes and how to accept help from others. Sometimes the bravest thing a person can do is ask for help. Sometimes sucking it up gets you nowhere.

We live in this crazy world where we are so obsessed with doing things the RIGHT way. Sometimes there isn't a right way or a wrong way. Sometimes you just have to do things. It's not easy to let go of the stories we've written about how we will be perceived if we are a bother - if we feel like a bother. It's not easy to make a shift in the way you operate in the world. It's not easy to try something new, perhaps fearing that you will be judged. Nope, not easy at all.

However, I will tell you one thing I know for sure: it feels GOOD to say yes to a kind offer, and to simply accept what comes from that offer. It feels really good. I highly recommend giving it a try!

xoxo

Desperately Seeking Clarity

Mmmm.... I am taking in so many different kinds of information these days. Everything from newsletters sent home from my children's teachers to rich course content in an online course I am taking. It's a lot and it is all part of my effort to get clear on a few things.

September is my January. It feels more like a New Year to me than the one that officially starts January 1 and so that is probably why I've been doing a lot of soul searching. Last year I felt like a complete failure on the mom front. It was a rough school year and I played a huge part in how rough it was for all of us. I will give you an example... Last year I drove my two younger children to school every day. Of the three of us, the youngest --who was 4 years-old for the first half of the year -- is the most motivated in the morning, AND this is a little girl who would sleep until 10:00 a.m. every day if she could. Our mornings were tough on all of us and I just wasn't very good at handling it.

This year, they ride the bus to school. The other day they missed the bus. When I told them they missed the bus and I would be driving them to school my son burst into tears and screamed, "I'M HAVING FLASHBACKS TO WHEN YOU TOOK US TO SCHOOL LAST YEAR!!!"

Hmmmm...

Now, I can't take full credit for the flashbacks. I think some of his horror was due in part to the teacher who greeted him in a not so friendly way each day. The ramifications of running a little late are intensified when the person to whom you are running isn't very welcoming. But still. I knew I had work to do to help rewrite my son's school story.

My work is around figuring out what I am capable of in the realm of being the primary caregiver for my family and starting a creative business at the same time. I am finding that it is necessary for me to be okay with baby steps in the business area. Last year I said yes to everything and tried to get myself "out there" as much as possible. I stayed up late working on multiple projects and had a hard time waking up most mornings. I taught a few classes after school and had to arrange for childcare for my children. This year I want to make sure I am home when my kids get off the bus each day. I need to be more selective when it comes to deciding how to put myself "out there." I am okay with that. I am clear on that.

What I just realized that I wasn't clear on was exactly what my intentions are in being home for my children or facilitating a retreat for a group of women. I thought I wanted to help people. You know? Because I am a helper. After last weekend's retreat (which was AWESOME by the way...more on that another time), I realized that YES, I definitely do what I do because I want to help people.

BUT, what I really want is to...

...help people help themselves. There is a HUGE difference.

I want to help people.

I want to help people help themselves.

This is as true for my kids as it is for anyone I work with. I am not here solely to whisk in and chase all my children's problems away. I would LOVE to be able to do that! But I am not their fairy godmother, I am their MOTHER. My job is to give them everything I can to help them help themselves. Because I'm not going to be around forever.

I thought I set out to do the work I do because I want to help people. I was getting a little caught up in that idea - maybe even anticipating that I am way more powerful than I truly am - that I have some kind of magical helping wand and when I wave it all your problems will vanish (I wish I could do that, but it's just not real). With the work that I do there is really only so much I can do to help anyone. The rest is on them. I think what I want to do is inspire people, to empower people, and to share what I know in case it might help them to feel less alone or to solve a problem or to create something beautiful.

Now that I think about it, I think it is one of the most loving things you can do - to help someone help themselves. I like that.

So, this is what I am clear on now, thanks to all that soul searching... I show up here to share my stories and some tools that help me stay present in the moment and accomplish the things I need to do - for myself and for others. I hope that by sharing what works for me you may find a thing or two that works for you. That's all. I think sharing is so powerful. It has the potential to unlock doors and create flow where one is stuck. When I had this moment of clarity I knew I had to share it. Think about it - where could you use some clarity in your life?

When I show up here, I am committed to sharing - open, honest, from the heart sharing... the rest is up to you.

xoxoxo

Give-Away for Soul Comfort! WOOHooooooo!

Jewel sings a song called Life Uncommon. The Brave Girls Club introduced me to it. It is a beautiful song. When I hear it, my heart stills. Maybe you could listen to it, if you've never heard it. Get it started and come back to me.

I don't want to spoil anything for you, in case you ever attend Brave Girl Camp (and I reallllllly hope you will), and honestly even if I told you every single detail of every bitty morsel of my camp experience, it would still blow you away (I attended in July of 2012). I must tell you this though... to sit in a circle of women whose paths, while so very different, intersected at Brave River Ranch in Idaho - women who started as complete strangers, but who over the course of minutes together became lifelong friends, and listen to Brave Girls Club co-founder Kathy Wilkins sing Life Uncommon as she plays the guitar... it is like living in heaven on earth. Kathy has the voice of an angel. It is an experience I will never forget.

Jewel sings "...We are tired, we are weary, but we aren't worn out...lend your voices only to sounds of freedom. No longer lend your strength to that which you wish to be free from. Fill your lives with love and bravery and we shall lead a life uncommon."

That is what Brave Girls Club is all about - filling our lives with love and bravery and giving us tools to lead magical, melodious, harmonious lives. When I think about Brave Girls Club and the ways in which their offerings have enriched my life, the shifts I have experienced since my first Brave Girl online class at the start of 2012 seem far from common. I had no idea that online classes that I could take from the comfort of my own home whenever it was convenient for me even existed and now, roughly a year and a half later, I am in the very beginning stages of figuring out how to offer an online class of my own.

What if something has simple and fun as an online class could change your life?

Somewhere I read or heard Brave Girls Club co-founder and Kathy's sister Melody Ross say that she believes in sharing things that can help people. I'm not gonna lie. I adore Melody. She inspires me. She is kind and compassionate, creative and incredibly talented, and she and Kathy and every sweet soul affiliated with Brave Girls Club embody LOVE. And, they are so real. Their love is soooo real.

So anyway, the whole sharing thing is what inspired me to jump on this blog-fest train. I also believe that goodness is meant to be shared. Anyone who has spent any amount of time with me (even seconds. Even complete strangers. Seriously.) is likely to have heard me say, "Have you heard of Brave Girls Club?" I am a passionate sharer of all things Brave Girls Club.

Of course I want to share an opportunity TO WIN A SPOT IN THEIR NEW ONLINE CLASS: SOUL COMFORT! You can read all about it here.

In short, this is an invitation to...

To the tired, the exhausted, the overstretched…

Life can be simple.

What if we celebrated the brave act of….taking a break?

What if simplicity, comfort, and quiet were the goal?

What if there really was a way to quiet the chatter in our minds and let us
recharge our body & soul?

And what if it was fun, too?

Introducing a new eCourse . . .

Soul Comfort 

Really? Yes, really. Whatever Brave Girls Club offers, they deliver that, and always so much more. 

You can count on this class to be . . .

• enlightening, enjoyable, fun, & simple
• customizable with many choices to fit your exact style
• interactive, encouraging, and supportive with a private community on Facebook 
• and weekly live chats
• a beautiful experience that will help you relax, simplify, and enjoy your life 
• a place to learn simple new ways to journal, 
• plus the  ”Brave Girl” way to use stitching and such 
• to create both beautiful things you’ll love AND peaceful relaxing moments
• a place to learn exactly what nourishes YOUR body and soul
• how to fit comforting rituals into your day
• something that you can finish without feeling overwhelmed
• produced with the level of caring and attention to detail that Brave Girls Club is known for

I have a really good feeling about this because I recently assembled my own little toolbox that I use to make pages in my Blessings Journal each day (most days...). I have certainly seen the benefits of taking a little time to create something each day. I feel grounded, more centered, and whole. And since my focus is on gratitude, I feel grateful - grateFULL if you will.

a page from my Blessings Journal

I was so excited when I saw that this class was being offered. When I signed up I requested access to the Facebook group for students and the love and support being shared there is already so heartwarming. Class hasn't even started!

Sooooo...

Why do you think women have such a hard time taking care of themselves in the ways they so lovingly care for others?

Post your answer in the Comments box at the bottom of this page to enter my drawing for a spot in Soul Comfort. It's that simple! I will randomly draw a name on Saturday, September 21. I will pass along the winner's name to Brave Girls Club and YOU will be ready for some soul comfort like you never imagined. I can't wait to see you in class! xoxo

p.s. click here to see a list of other blogs participating in this give-away - you can enter all of them!

9/11, Depression, and the Meaning of Life

Many people are remembering 9/11 today. It's hard not to remember. So many of us can recall exactly what we were doing when we first heard the devastating news - for me it was that a plane crashed into a building in New York City. I remember a group of students gathered around a TV screen in one of the Social Work buildings. It was one of our first day of classes. I wasn't sure what they were watching, but I cruised right by already late to class.

We moved our desks into a circle. There were a few people frantically pushing numbers on their cell phones. The instructor had the affect of someone trying to maintain calm. It turned out that several of my classmates' families were in New York and my classmates were trying to reach them. As the beginnings of the story of 9/11 unfolded, we exchanged looks of shock. Our professor asked that we stay for the full 2.5 hours of class. We thought she was crazy.

I remember going home and watching the news all day long. I remember going to bed terrified. I couldn't snuggle in close enough to my husband and I finally fell asleep wondering what kind of world I was bringing my firstborn into as I thought about him sprouting from a little seed inside my belly. Earlier in the day I had wondered if our new insurance plan would cover my pregnancy - we had just moved to Michigan from Arlington, Virginia. That seemed like a non-issue at bedtime. I couldn't stop thinking about how I had driven past the Pentagon every day on my way to work when we lived in Arlington. I couldn't begin to make sense of what had happened in our country - the land of the free and home of the brave - that day. Nobody could.

It is National Suicide Prevention Week. I saw a post on Facebook yesterday about a group call To Write Love On Her Arms. According to their mission statement, this is a  "movement is dedicated to presenting hope and finding help for people struggling with depression, addiction, self-injury, and suicide..."

Yesterday's call was to write the word "LOVE" on your arm to help raise awareness. So I did that, knowing that finding hope and help for these issues specifically is a cause that I hold close to my heart.

When I woke this morning to stories of 9/11 and LOVE on my arm, I began to think about graduate school and how I had diagnosed myself with almost every mood disorder I learned about in class. It was actually quite liberating to learn that there was an entire vocabulary for the feelings I had struggled with my entire life.

In a different Facebook post yesterday, someone I know shared a picture of LOVE on her arm. She included a note to her dad - I gathered he had committed suicide. I thought about my dad's sudden death about 3.5 years ago. He didn't commit suicide, but before we knew the cause of his death, the possibility that he did commit suicide wasn't out of the question. With drugs and alcohol, he certainly found other less severe ways to escape the pain he felt in his life.

After his death, I pretty much fell apart. With three little people to care for and my husband back at work, I knew I needed help. I decided to take anti-anxiety medication. While my grief intensified my anxiety and symptoms of depression, it is true that living with anxiety was something I had been doing my whole life. I didn't have words for the constant feeling that something could go wrong at any second until I learned more about anxiety and depression in graduate school. I thought I was "too sensitive" while the truth was I felt things really deeply. Maybe more deeply than other people. When the pain was too much bear, I looked for ways to hide it or dull it. 

When I finally decided to take medication for my anxiety it was in part because I remembered a friend saying to me "Anna, you don't have to live this way" referring to my constant state of anxiety. I never wanted to take medication, but at that point - after my dad died - I didn't think I had time for therapy and I knew from my studies that it would help me. It was a very small dose, just enough to take the edge off and not enough to keep me from crying my way through a year's worth of contacts in way less than a year's time.

The thing about living with anxiety and depression that is so hard, and can be debilitating even, is that you feel so alone. So hopeless. So isolated. And on top of all that, you can feel ashamed of feeling that way. You think the only way out of the pain is to stop it. People try stopping the pain in all kinds of ways.

I would never, ever tell anyone that the key to happiness is to take medication. That is a choice you have to make for yourself based on your own history and your own present situation. What I would do is to say what my friend said to me - "You don't have to live like this." You have options.

See, I have come to realize that while there is immense pain and suffering in this world - and while I am not immune to any of it - we are not here on Earth to suffer. We are here to enjoy our lives and to live them peacefully. I don't know what that means for everyone, but I know that it is true. I don't have any proof, you'll just have to trust me.

Sometimes I wish my medication would numb me to the pain I feel, and that's when I know that it is time to take it up a notch in other areas of my life. When I want to escape what I'm feeling, I have found that writing helps me to feel more grounded. Yoga reminds me to breathe and helps me to stay present. Meditation helps me to quiet my "monkey mind" - the what-ifs that can spin out of control if I don't stop them. Being outside soothes my soul. Taking walks and running (or trying to run...) helps me to clear my mind. Spending time with people I love helps me remember who I am - not a condition, but a soul doing its best to enjoy this human experience. When I can return to myself and what is most important to me, I can better handle whatever life throws my way. 

For me, art is a cure-all. Creating connects me to my core, the Creator, and all things created. I try to create something every single day. Sometimes it's just dinner (usually it's not dinner...). I have been keeping a Blessings journal for a while now and I love it because I can do just a little bit of creating very easily every day AND reflect on the things and people for which I am grateful. 

Yoga, art, and meditation are some of the tools I use to get to break away from the every day and get back to what matters most to me. 

We all have those tools - those things that can help us to slow down and re-focus on what matters. For a lot of people prayer will do the trick. No matter how much pain you are in, you must remember that life is not about the pain. Life is about JOY and you have the right to live in peace.

So, how do we get back there? What will it take to get you back to the peace? Here are a few steps you can try to take...

1. Breathe
2. Think of one thing that brings you peace
3. Take one step, make one stroke, write one word, recall one memory, or reach out to one friend at a time - whatever it is that will take you to peace
4. Keep breathing
5. Keep going
6. Get there

The only way through anything is to go through it. Seriously. Sit in it for as long as you need to. Feel what comes up for you. Yell, scream, cry, stomp your feet. Get as angry or as sad as you need to be. 

And then remember that you don't have to live there. You don't have to stay in the darkness. Let it - whatever it is - flow through you, then you too can go with the flow. You can move through whatever it is. It might take hours or days or even years. Choose one thing that brings you joy or peace and take one little step in that direction whenever you can. You will make your way out of it. And, know you're not alone. If you need help, reach out for it. It's okay to ask for help.

This world - one where true heroes sacrifice their lives to save others, where slowly we are raising our voices around issues like depression and suicide, where communities come together in times of despair to help one another, and where we recognize that we are all connected - this is the world I brought my now eleven year-old son into. It is a world filled with war and hate and hunger and pain and suffering, and it is a world filled with beauty and peace and joy. We have to learn to live with the good and the bad. It's not an either/or proposition. 

When you are suffering, you don't have to stay there. You don't have to live like that. You have options. My hope is that we all choose PEACE and JOY and do whatever it takes to get there.

With all kinds of love and big Anna hugs... xoxoxo

Why Retreat?

As I dream about and make preparations for my upcoming Heart Connected retreat, In Honor of the Journey, I am thinking a lot about what it means to "retreat." 

For absolute certainty, I googled the definition. Merriam-Webster.com says the following:

re·treat

 noun \ri-ˈtrēt\

1

a (1) : an act or process of withdrawing especially from what is difficult, dangerous, or disagreeable(2) : the process of receding from a position or state attained <the retreat of a glacier>

b (1) : the usually forced withdrawal of troops from an enemy or from an advanced position (2) : a signal forretreating

c (1) : a signal given by bugle at the beginning of a military flag-lowering ceremony (2) : a military flag-lowering ceremony

2

: a place of privacy or safety : refuge

3

: a period of group withdrawal for prayer, meditation, study, or instruction under a director

Mmm... how lovely - a place of privacy or safety, a refuge, and a period of group withdrawal... those words make way for the most peaceful images in my mind. I can picture myself on the shore of Lake Michigan at my magical little cottage nestled in the woods. I am with a group of soulful women and we are sharing stories, enjoying delicious food that none of us had to plan for, shop for or cook, making art, and, well, retreating.

Since I announced that I would be hosting this retreat, I am noticing some people aren't real sure what to make of a retreat. No matter how appealing the concept of going on  a retreat may sound, a lot of us dismiss the possibility of actually doing it. We think things like: "I could never do that...it's too expensive...I won't know anybody...I won't fit in...I need to be home for my family...My colleagues would be lost without me...I'm not sure what else will be happening at that time...How could I ever leave BY MYSELF for a few days?" Things like that.

I'm sure we can all think of a dozen or so reasons why it's not the right time to take a retreat. We might decide to wait for the stars to be in perfect alignment...

I get that. The truth is though, the stars may never perfectly align. Some things require us to decide that we are going for it. I think because there are so many obvious reasons NOT to leave our families, our work, and our lives for a few days, it is easier to never go for it. 

Of course, I would love for any lovely soul who reads this post to join me in September (sorry boys, this one is for girls only), and I also know that my retreat isn't going to work for everyone. For those of you who are looking for a reason to take a retreat, mine or another one, I came up with a few for you. These are the reasons I have come to appreciate the opportunity to go on retreats, and to carve out the time, space, money, and energy to make it happen when I hear the call.

ALL THE TEDIOUS DECISIONS THAT BOG ME DOWN EACH DAY ARE MADE FOR ME

I live in a house with my husband, our three children, and our family dog. I am mostly responsible for meal planning, grocery shopping, making meals, and cleaning up afterward. Sure, I have help, but for the most part it's on me. I actually enjoy doing all of these things, and it also makes me crazy. 

At a retreat someone else is responsible for planning my meals and buying the ingredients to cook them. Someone else cooks. Someone else cleans up afterward. Words cannot express my gratitude for these people. It is a GIFT to take a break from the decision making process and all that follows when I go on a retreat. When our retreat chef Andi asked what kind of menu I wanted, I said "I want you to prepare the kind of food you would eat if you were taking the absolute best care of yourself." Most retreat planners insist on the most wholesome, delicious, and nutritious food for their guests - made from the freshest ingredients that are organic and local whenever possible. It is worth every penny and logistical nightmare I face when planning to leave my family for a few days to enjoy a meal prepared with love by someone whose charge is to take the best possible care of me.

RETREATS ARE JUST PLAIN OLD FUN!

I'm going out on a limb here and making a huge generalization: American adults don't allow enough time in their lives to play. We work long hours, and sometimes in multiple jobs. We volunteer in the community and in our children's schools. We are constantly plugged in. We carry smart phones and check the Internet. We are non-stop. If we have children, we are likely to be running them around all night to various events and activities. We are tired. We are depleted. We are stressed out. We are often depressed.

We need time to play. It is really that simple. Nobody is going to grant you that time to play because most everyone in your life is in the same boat. Most everyone in your life will ask you for more because they are giving all they can and they need your help.

I learned not long ago that the only way I will ever get time for myself, to do the things I want to do, is to make that time. Sometimes I treat it like an appointment and schedule it in my calendar. Retreats provide endless opportunities to play. I need that. We all need that.

BEAUTY ABOUNDS

I think these pictures speak for themselves. Retreats occur in the most beautiful places around the world. Taking a retreat means getting away from it all.  Sometimes all you can hear are the waves crossing against the shore and the seagulls flying overhead. The hustle and bustle of our every day lives is far behind. We can move slowly if we want to, and speed things up when we're ready. It is quiet. I can hear myself think. I can actually stop thinking and be present in the beauty that surrounds me. It is heaven on earth.

SISTERS

I am one of those lucky women who has a real, live sister. She is one of my favorite people on this planet. We fought when we were kids so we didn't always adore each other, but I absolutely adore her now. One of the neatest things about having a sister is not having to explain myself to her. She knows me. She loves me exactly as I am. We have differences, and we can talk about them most of the time, and so far we have left each conversation still loving each other.

At the retreats I have attended, I sit in awe of the women gathered around me. There are these amazing little retreat fairies and angels who oversee the gathering process. They make sure that every woman who is meant to be present at any particular retreat is there. So when we arrive, even if we are complete strangers, we know each other. We love each other exactly as we are.

You might think that people who are alike are drawn together, and I am sure in many cases that is true. Retreats, however, often draw people together who might appear to have nothing in common. At the retreats I've attended, when we first meet we don't know a lot about each other. We don't know who voted for who in the last election. We don't know what kind of sexual partners everybody else prefers. We don't know who has been abused. We don't know each other's salaries. These qualifiers, the stats we use to judge people from time to time, we don't know any of them. In the absence of qualifiers, there is nothing but love. We may have nothing in common but the love in our hearts, and magically, mysteriously, and actually quite logically - that love in our hearts is enough. It is enough to carry us through our time together and to etch a new place in our hearts where we will hold each other forever and ever and ever.

I love, love, LOVE meeting new sisters.

GOING HOME

With all that in mind, you must know the truth. My favorite thing about attending a retreat is going home. The four people pictured above are my everything. They are my world, my heart, and my soul. I will do anything I can to be a better person for them - a better wife, and a better mom. I am moody and absent-minded, and I leave my shoes all over the house. I am often running late and if I am early it is usually because I forgot something. I yell and I am sarcastic. When I come back from a retreat, I am fresh. Being fresh and new - rejuvenated, replenished, and relaxed - is the greatest gift I could ever give my husband and my children.

That's where I think a lot of women make a huge mistake. I used to think that taking time for myself made me a bad mom. I felt guilty about it. I made stories up about myself and other women who made time in their lives for things they enjoyed. What I have found to be truer than true is that it is actually a very good thing for me to go away, for me to do things I enjoy, for me to connect with other women, and to miss my husband and children. It is okay. They are fine without me. They have fun and they don't trip over my shoes. Sometimes they don't eat very well, but hey, that's the "Dad Way" in our house. When I come back they get the very best of me. I can't wait to see them, to hug them and kiss their cheeks, and to hear all about the things they did while I was gone. I love coming home, and being able to fully appreciate the sweet beings I have to which to return.

If a retreat calls to you, definitely entertain the voices in your head that follow. And when they are finished and it is quiet again, know this: you are worth the cost of the retreat and the time away from your job and your family. Everyone and everything you leave behind will be just fine without you. Make a commitment to figure out a way to to attend the retreat of your choice. Upon your arrival, all your needs will be met and you won't even have to think about it. You will have fun and you will make new friends. Then, at the end of it all, you get to go home. It is one of the very best gifts you can give to yourself and to the people you care about most in this world.

We don't expect our cars to run without gas so how can we expect ourselves to run without it? We need fuel - good food, rest, and practices to feed our souls. We need to fill ourselves up with all of this delicious goodness because when we get back, we've got work to do Sisters! Give yourself the gift of a retreat. You won't regret it.

If you are interested in learning more about MY retreat, please click here. I would LOVE to welcome you to my magical little slice of heaven on earth.

Take care Sweet One. xo

Oooh La La!

Here is Alexander, my 7 year-old son, holding the most recent addition to our art collection. This kid is a magician. He has the power to both mortify and charm a girl at the very same time. He used to surprise me with his worldly wisdom, but now I've grown to expect something profound to exit his lips every few days. When it's not profound, it makes me wonder what I'm doing wrong as a mother... Let's just say he is no stranger to profanity. Yes, he is seven.

So enough about children who rock my world with the power to both break and build my heart... A week or so ago I posted this picture of Alexander on Facebook.

I am an avid iphontographer. Meaning I take pictures with my iPhone. All. The. Time. It is amazing what one can do with an iPhone and some cool software these days. Photography is an art that has always left me in awe. Back in the day the process of taking a photo, finishing a roll of film, dropping it off at the drugstore, and waiting, usually impatiently, to take ownership of an entire stack of beautiful new photos - that process was magical to me. I loved plowing through that stack of photos reliving every precious moment captured on film. Hoping I had actually captured the precious moment. Celebrating when I had, and trying not to be disappointed when I hadn't. Let's face it, some moments, the most hard to capture moments, like the sunset, a sleeping baby, and the Red Rocks in Sedona must be lived and appreciated fully in the moment. The pictures are simply a reminder of that moment.

I spent years carefully placing my photos in albums - remember those magnetic pages with the sticky stuff on them? I made my own scrapbooks, and felt as if I had died and gone to heaven when I learned there was an entire world that existed around what I had been doing in my own way for years - scrapbooking! I loved it all. The entire process. And as much as I love the instant gratification we experience now with digital photography, a part of me misses the rush I'd get when I'd finally get to see the product of my work after waiting with anticipation through an entire process.

Now I get a taste of that high through software like PicMonkey. It's not exactly the same, but I really enjoy my new process of clicking "Apply" and seeing my photos change right before my eyes. I enjoy seeing the many ways a photo can change with a simple click - adding "clarity" or a vintage look. Playing with the filters is really so much fun, and anyone can do it.

I still appreciate the art of photography and I sit in awe of the professionals. Seeing the ways they work their magic is inspiring. I guess the software is much like the magic kit I received as a gift as a child. I'm doing tricks with my software for sure, but it is play in comparison to the transformation that takes place at the hands of a real live magician.

Finally, we have arrived to the point of my post. If you love to play with pictures and even words, like I do, AND you are in the market for some meaningful art for your home, please consider this... I snapped that picture of my son and used PicMonkey to play with the filters and add a poem I found by Mary Oliver that fit both the image and the boy in it - within minutes. I uploaded it to Snapfish and within a week I have a brand new piece of art on canvas. I LOVE it! I love it so much, I just had to share it with you. I didn't anticipate you'd get an entire story to go with it, but that happens with me sometimes.

Go... Make some magic! Enjoy! xo